For
me writing has not only been a joy but has also been a kind of catharsis…a way
to get “out” what I’m feeling, what I’m thinking. It has been one of the few things in my life
that I tell myself I can do “pretty well” (not great but “not so bad”). I sometimes write just for the fun of it
(like this blog), but sometimes I write because I can’t put my thoughts into
words any other way.
On a day-to-day
basis my thoughts go off into so many different tangents, I can’t count
them…they jump all over the place so much so that I wonder how I stay sane (if
I am sane, that is!) I have often asked
myself if I have developed ADD in my old age and just can’t focus on one
thought at a time, or perhaps my brain is just really good at multi-tasking in
the thinking process! Even when I pray I
may begin to pray for someone or some thing and my mind will go off on a
tangent thinking about the person or thing I’m praying for. I’ve asked God to please just go along with
me and know that I will get back to Him when those thoughts pass!!!
So
why am I writing all this TODAY? I think
it’s because I need a “brain dump”…I just need to think write through
some things going on in my head. I won’t
be writing about all the political and environmental things going on in our
country right now…although those things greatly trouble me. I am journaling about them, however, just so
I can have it all to look back on someday, or perhaps for my grandchildren and
great-grandchildren to read in the future and understand what perhaps they
never knew or experienced. I won’t
tackle political problems on my blog ever…just too controversial, plus I get so
mad I could spit (and I hate abhor spitting!)
But this has been a week of revelations for me, as well as a week of
remembering and reflection…some good, some bad.
This will more than likely not be of interest to anyone…and I imagine
some of my “few” readers will have stopped reading long before getting to this
point. And, that’s OK. I am writing this mostly for myself…that
catharsis that I need, and also to have it to look back on from time to time.
So…here
goes!
I
learned some lessons this week, or at least was reminded of some things that I
should remember and think about more often:
1. I was reminded that life is many things for
many people! Life can be joyful, sad,
easy, difficult, complicated, exciting, hurtful, amazing, earth-shattering…and
so much more. I keep reminding myself of
something I’ve often read or heard: Life
is not what happens to you, but how you choose to deal with what happens. (Sometimes I deal rather well, I guess..but
other times I’m a total mess!)
2. I realized more than ever that just because
someone or some family looks (and acts) like they have EVERYTHING…money, power,
recognition, a big house, fine clothes, a 3 car garage, etc….they just might
not have IT ALL. I realized this more
than once this week. I realized that
many if not most people/families have skeletons in their closet, secrets that
they wish were not theirs to (try and) keep, heartaches that they wish they
didn’t have to endure. This week I was
reminded that I need to count my blessings more than ever.
3. I also realized this week that not everyone
is exactly who we think they are. We
would all probably really be surprised at the number of people we know or are
acquainted with that wear different masks (not talking about the Corona masks
here). I probably wear some too…maybe we
all do. Sometimes those masks are even
necessary. This has made me think a lot
this week about how I should never judge someone (and, yes, that’s a human
frailty and I’m guilty) because I may not know their whole story. I also caught myself wanting to tell some
people they should never think they are better than anyone else (but I
refrained!!!)
4. I’ve come to accept this week that
Alzheimer’s is no longer just a disease I’ve “heard about” but am coming face
to face with due to my dear, dear friend’s illness. And it hurts…it hurts really, really, really
bad!
5. I learned this week that even when you are 71
years old (or older), you can still discover old secrets that were right under
your nose but you never knew them…and that learning them can hurt…a
lot!
lot!
6. And finally I’ve learned that my wonderful,
macho, sometimes gruff, sometimes “I just don’t get it” husband, can still
surprise me (even after 50 years of marriage) with his level of understanding
and compassion.
There
are still so many thoughts whirling around in my head…sometimes I really do
wish I weren’t such a “thought-ful” (full of thought) person!!! But I’ve said written enough for now. Maybe (I hope) that putting this all down in
words will help me get my emotions more together. I continue to be so very thankful for my high
school English teacher, Mrs. Cleveland, who instilled in me a love of writing
and for giving me the confidence to be a life-long writer. And I am so thankful that about 3 years ago I
wrote her a letter telling her THANK YOU.
So
there it is…if anyone has read this and it has helped YOU to make any
realizations in your life or helped you to learn any new lessons, then I’m very
happy about that. If not, it was good to
“let it out”…and to my grandchildren and future great-grands, if you ever read
this always remember...
*No
matter how old you are, there are always life lessons to be learned.
*Your
problems are no bigger than anyone else’s…yours may even be smaller.
*Everyone
has their own story, so never be quick to judge.
*And
never, ever think you are better than anyone else. (If you do, I will come back to haunt you!)
Hugs to you Cheri. It seems you are carrying a heavy load . I write to my sister about 3-4 rimes a week. We call each other "our therapist" . It just does us so much good to let it out. We can tell each other anything. Some times as I work my book of puzzle I write in the margin....mostly prayers. I think we carry a lot of stress around with us and these times have just add to that. Blessings to you, stay safe. xoxo, Susie
ReplyDeleteThank you, Susie, for such a kind and insightful comment. I know that "this too shall pass" and there will be "joy" in the morning. It's just that sometimes it's really hard to wait!!!
DeleteI totally understand this post, and have written similar thoughts in my journal in the past. Some I have shared in my blog over the years when a group of us bloggers did what was called "Random Journal Day", where we'd pull an old journal off the shelf and randomly select something to share. I couldn't always do the "random" sharing because some were just too personal to share. But yes, writing is a kind of therapy and a wonderful way to "get it out of our system" and put it down in writing...and sometimes that helps to put things in perspective. I love to go back years later and see where I was at that time in my life, and how God took care of the problem one way or another. I love this post today, Cheri. Thank you for sharing it with us. We need to be able to open up and be honest with each other. God bless you and may He fill in the blanks with His love and compassion and comfort.
ReplyDeleteThank you so very much, Pamela, for such a lovely comment. I cherish each and every word. I've done the same as you...looked back in journals and saw God's hand at work. I pray that He guides us through this pandemic and all that is going on in our country.
DeleteI read every word and could SO relate to it all. I have a huge family and there are lots of folks who are doing well (it looks like) and those not doing well at all. Some physically challenged and some having money troubles. I pray that we all keep on keepin' on and look back on these days and have learned from them. Thanks for sharing from your heart! Have a blessed day dear friend, HUGS!
ReplyDeleteI do hope all your loved ones navigate their way through whatever it is they are going through. Life sure can be tough sometimes but we just have to take it one step at a time. Thanks so much for such a caring comment.
DeleteCheri, I write for the same reasons. I think it helps. And I was nodding along with all of your words. My mom always said, things are rarely what they seem and never envy anyone, you don't know what they have going on. The older I get the more I realize how right she was...It sounds like you've had quite a week and I hope writing helped. Thinking of you and sending you a hug...and one for your friend. It's a terrible disease...
ReplyDeleteKim, thank you so much for this comment. It truly warms my heart. Yes, Alz. is a terrible disease and I am doing my best to learn to navigate the changes in my friend. Writing did and does help:) And knowing I have "friends" like you that listen and understand also helps tremendously.
DeleteIt's been the kind of year where thoughts do fly through the brain as we try to navigate this world. I've been feeling off kilter probably due to all that's gone on in our family plus getting ready to retire and feeling overwhelmed with all the decisions. I do enjoy writing and use my blog as a journal. We are never too old to.learn new life lessons. It keeps us on our toes!
ReplyDeleteYaya, it definitely has been quite a year and it's not over yet! You certainly have had your share of "moments". But I just keep reminding myself that God is in control. That's what keeps me going:)
DeleteHello Cheri,
ReplyDeleteYes indeed, I love what you have written here. I write so much, but a lot of it is on pieces of paper stuffed into my purse! I have always sailed through life fairly unruffled but my Dad died in Feb. of 2019 and then, we have the pandemic this year. Both of those have made me so anxious that it were not for my writing, I really don't know how I could have coped. Oddly enough, I find it very difficult to write on my blog these days. I suppose I must be too tired and stressed at the end of the day. (I am still working and worked all the way through, did not have the lock down like others.) Anyway, HOW BOUT THEM BRAVES? My Dad would have LOVED that win yesterday. I was in England when Dansby Swanson hit his inside the park homerun in his rookie year and my Dad had to call me over there to tell me!!
Keep writing, my Georgia friend! x
And did you see the Braves tonight??? Wow, what a win!!!! I am so very sorry about the loss of your dad; I'm sure it's been even harder with all the stress from the pandemic and all that is going on in our country. I know some days my heart just hurts so deeply and I feel my anxiety creeping up. I hope you will begin to write your blog again...it really can be cathartic. Or maybe jot down a few thoughts in a journal. I pray God gives you strength and that sweet memories of your dad will sustain you.
DeleteGreat post. I often wondered about having ADHD when I was younger cause I never was still...not until 14 yrs ago when I was hit with the fibro. It took yrs for me to start slowing down but it has hold of me now. So, when I used to never sit still and used to be finding something to stay busy doing, I now DON'T. I sit a lot, watching TV. I have no energy to do the things I want to do. I have the desire but then when I think about all I have to do to do what I want to do I end up not doing! haha...did you follow that? Along with the slowing down with the fibro I do the thought thing also. Esp in pain, I tend to not be able to calm them down. Also in pain, if in conversation with someone I jump all over the place. I can't stay focused to carry on a conversation without jumping here and there. Lucky I have a friend that I spend the most time with that know the signs, she tries to follow me and by knowing the signs, she don't comment on the fact that I can't focus.
ReplyDeletePam, I am so sorry for your pain and troubles but it's wonderful that you keep your sense of humor:) Life can be so difficult for some of the nicest people but we just have to keep on keeping on. God bless you, sweet lady.
DeleteGreat post and thoughts and I agree with them all. Our lives are so "topsy turvey" these days and I think it has caused most all of us "older" folks to do a lot of pondering. Blessings abundant to you!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Lea.
DeleteThese are deceptively profound observations, and always helpful to be reminded of. I found your story of Mrs. Cleveland interesting. My sixth-grade teacher, Mr. Brennan, at Oakland Park Elementary School, praised a Haiku I wrote and told me I had talent with words. I never forgot it and still haven't much confidence but I am not unaware of the gift that small word of encouragement was to me. I called him over thirty years ago even though I lived many states away from him, and while I believe I was talking to Mr. Brennan, he was obviously suffering from Alzheimer's or some other form of dementia, because he was unable to converse with me in a coherent way. But I thanked him anyway, for giving the gift of insight and encouragement to a child. We all need to ponder more truths and block out the half-truths and blatant untruths that are everywhere these days. We need to consciously remember what matters. xoxo
ReplyDeleteJenny, I just love your comment. Thanks so much. One of my college professors changed my life in a huge way (I wrote a post about it not too long ago). I had decided to try to find him and send him a letter thanking him, but sadly I discovered he had died several years ago. It broke my heart to know that I never thanked him because with him gently "pushing" and encouraging me I would never have become a teacher (and that was my passion). I was, however, very fortunate a short while back to see Mrs. Cleveland and thank her in person. Thanks so much for dropping by...you sound like a person I would absolutely love to sit and "chat" with:)
DeleteAbsolutely I would love chatting with you too! We'd solve all the problems. I guess it's important to make gestures -- even as small as saying "thank you" to someone who made a difference -- immediately, rather than waiting. I have neglected to act on those and similar impulses until it was too late, and that is a difficult regret to live with. xoxo
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