For me writing has not only been a joy but has also been a kind of catharsis…a way to get “out” what I’m feeling, what I’m thinking. It has been one of the few things in my life that I tell myself I can do “pretty well” (not great but “not so bad”). I sometimes write just for the fun of it (like this blog), but sometimes I write because I can’t put my thoughts into words any other way.
On a day-to-day basis my thoughts go off into so many different tangents, I can’t count them…they jump all over the place so much so that I wonder how I stay sane (if I am sane, that is!) I have often asked myself if I have developed ADD in my old age and just can’t focus on one thought at a time, or perhaps my brain is just really good at multi-tasking in the thinking process! Even when I pray I may begin to pray for someone or some thing and my mind will go off on a tangent thinking about the person or thing I’m praying for. I’ve asked God to please just go along with me and know that I will get back to Him when those thoughts pass!!!
So why am I writing all this TODAY? I think it’s because I need a “brain dump”…I just need to
think write through
some things going on in my head. I won’t
be writing about all the political and environmental things going on in our
country right now…although those things greatly trouble me. I am journaling about them, however, just so
I can have it all to look back on someday, or perhaps for my grandchildren and
great-grandchildren to read in the future and understand what perhaps they
never knew or experienced. I won’t
tackle political problems on my blog ever…just too controversial, plus I get so
mad I could spit (and I hate abhor spitting!)
But this has been a week of revelations for me, as well as a week of
remembering and reflection…some good, some bad.
This will more than likely not be of interest to anyone…and I imagine
some of my “few” readers will have stopped reading long before getting to this
point. And, that’s OK. I am writing this mostly for myself…that
catharsis that I need, and also to have it to look back on from time to time.
I learned some lessons this week, or at least was reminded of some things that I should remember and think about more often:
1. I was reminded that life is many things for many people! Life can be joyful, sad, easy, difficult, complicated, exciting, hurtful, amazing, earth-shattering…and so much more. I keep reminding myself of something I’ve often read or heard: Life is not what happens to you, but how you choose to deal with what happens. (Sometimes I deal rather well, I guess..but other times I’m a total mess!)
2. I realized more than ever that just because someone or some family looks (and acts) like they have EVERYTHING…money, power, recognition, a big house, fine clothes, a 3 car garage, etc….they just might not have IT ALL. I realized this more than once this week. I realized that many if not most people/families have skeletons in their closet, secrets that they wish were not theirs to (try and) keep, heartaches that they wish they didn’t have to endure. This week I was reminded that I need to count my blessings more than ever.
3. I also realized this week that not everyone is exactly who we think they are. We would all probably really be surprised at the number of people we know or are acquainted with that wear different masks (not talking about the Corona masks here). I probably wear some too…maybe we all do. Sometimes those masks are even necessary. This has made me think a lot this week about how I should never judge someone (and, yes, that’s a human frailty and I’m guilty) because I may not know their whole story. I also caught myself wanting to tell some people they should never think they are better than anyone else (but I refrained!!!)
4. I’ve come to accept this week that Alzheimer’s is no longer just a disease I’ve “heard about” but am coming face to face with due to my dear, dear friend’s illness. And it hurts…it hurts really, really, really bad!
5. I learned this week that even when you are 71 years old (or older), you can still discover old secrets that were right under your nose but you never knew them…and that learning them can hurt…a
6. And finally I’ve learned that my wonderful, macho, sometimes gruff, sometimes “I just don’t get it” husband, can still surprise me (even after 50 years of marriage) with his level of understanding and compassion.
There are still so many thoughts whirling around in my head…sometimes I really do wish I weren’t such a “thought-ful” (full of thought) person!!! But I’ve
said written enough for now. Maybe (I hope) that putting this all down in
words will help me get my emotions more together. I continue to be so very thankful for my high
school English teacher, Mrs. Cleveland, who instilled in me a love of writing
and for giving me the confidence to be a life-long writer. And I am so thankful that about 3 years ago I
wrote her a letter telling her THANK YOU.
So there it is…if anyone has read this and it has helped YOU to make any realizations in your life or helped you to learn any new lessons, then I’m very happy about that. If not, it was good to “let it out”…and to my grandchildren and future great-grands, if you ever read this always remember...
*No matter how old you are, there are always life lessons to be learned.
*Your problems are no bigger than anyone else’s…yours may even be smaller.
*Everyone has their own story, so never be quick to judge.
*And never, ever think you are better than anyone else. (If you do, I will come back to haunt you!)