Christmas Feelings

 

The tree stands lonely without all the packages…the empty boxes stacked along the wall, the pretty ribbons and papers now thrown-away rubbish, the gifts all opened and stored away.  Christmas Day is winding down and only my dear hubby of 50 years and I are left to sit together…the grandkids and their parents home celebrating with their other family. 

 

There are mixed feelings within me.  There is a feeling of satisfaction knowing that our family breakfast went well, even though I feel sure HUDDLE HOUSE would never offer me a job as a short-order cook.  But knowing that I was able to fix favorites for each and every one and that they all left the table sated and happy does warm my soul.  

There is a feeling of relief and thankfulness that all gifts seemed to bring smiles to the faces that I love.  

 

There is a level of tiredness in my body and mind thinking of how much time was spent decorating the whole house (including 4 trees), shopping for just the right gift for each and every person, choosing the wrapping paper and ribbons to cover the surprises and then carefully wrapping each one.  

A feeling of joy that I was able to spend at least part of the day with the 5 people dearest to my heart and hearing their joy at discovering the treasures that had awaited them. 

But there is also a strange feeling in my heart and soul…one I can’t readily identify.  It feels somewhat sad…sad that our church had to cancel our Christmas Eve service (but at least we had it over the radio with all our church family listening in and lighting candles....

sad that the special time of Christmas morning is over for another year, sad that many friends and family members celebrated the day alone or far from their loved ones, sad that I can’t hold onto this day for a little longer.  It also feels like I’ve lost something…in a way.  And I suppose I have…I’ve lost another Christmas, I’ve lost another year (although 2020 is not a year I will be sad to say good-bye to).  I know there are many less Christmases in my future than in my past.  And I am also feeling nostalgic thinking of all the Christmases we have celebrated as a family.

But there is also a great feeling of GRATITUDE.  How very thankful I am that, first of all, God sent His son to be the Savior of our world…and that He let me be born to a mother who made sure that I was raised to be a Christian.  Thankful that I have never strayed from that upbringing. 

My heart is overflowing with thankfulness for my husband, my soul-mate, that I have shared so many wonderful Christmases with…some when our purses were slim and presents were not as plentiful but always more than enough love to make up for the lack of any store-bought goodie…thankfulness for the many memories of my son and daughter (now celebrating Christmas in heaven) waking up with excitement to see what Santa had left for them…and now thankfulness for the memories that are continuing to be made with my grandson and granddaughter who have me wrapped around their fingers (which are no longer so little)…and I love that!

So…as Christmas Day 2020 winds down I will allow my thankfulness and my joy to reign over any sadness or fears or feelings of being exhausted or too nostaligic.  I will soon put my head on my pillow and know that I have been SO VERY VERY BLESSED…and I will thank God for that.  Then tomorrow life will begin again and I will look forward to a new year (hopefully much better than the last) and wait with anticipation for the next Christmas when more memories will be made and more feelings will flow into my heart and soul…and I will savor each one.